At heart, this really is a math problem. Last time these talk shows were off the air for any length of time was after September 11th. And at that time, most shows were off for about a week. So if my math is correct, the Writer’s Strike is now nine times worse than September 11th.
TV: The Daily Show: 7 Jan 2008
Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.
Equations are the devil’s sentences. The worst one is that quadratic equation: an infernal salad of letters, numbers, and symbols
TV: The Colbert Réport: 7 Feb 2006
Now, a lot of people say athletes getting away with crime sends the wrong message to our children. Children who naturally love to break rules, now have another reason to idolize these monsters of the midway. I say we should harness their thirst for mayhem to steer them toward the fields we want our children to excel in. Wanna raise math and science scores? Fine! Let scientists and mathematicians commit random acts of violence without repurcussions. That way kids will want to be like them.
TV: The Colbert Réport: 2 Feb 2006
The mathematics implies that bees are doing something with quarks. I’m not saying they definitely are. I’m just throwing it out as a possibility.
This is really ugly…so we just use Mathematica and hope for the best.
What we have here is a partial differential equation, and it’s just screaming at you to use separation of variables.
Obviously, I’m going to choose an example where the math is easy.
What do you get when you convolute with yourself?
talking about convoluting a function with itself
Math is its own language, and, if you can read it and you can speak it, you will do all right.
Epsilon, epsilon, what’s epsilon? It’s just a number they chose to confuse you.
One doesn’t change. As x changes, it stays the same. It says, “I don’t care what x does! It can run around me in circles! I’m one!”
Of course, I have seen the granddaddy of all table books.
referring to integral tables
If you forget dr/dt, you’ll probably find a big hole on your paper because I beat it up.
On the first test, I will be generous. On the second test, I will be not so generous. On the third test, I will be mean, nasty and rotten! Do not forget the “+ C”!
talking about integration and tests
You probably just think he’s throwing in an extra word to make himself sound smart.
talking about word problems
Ooh, I could have fun with a pop quiz on vocabulary!
(Evil laughter)
(Evil laughter)
Drawing in 3D is a - what? - experience for me.
Numbers make sense to me. Physics teachers, eh…
And then they blow off the third floor!
demonstrating a 3D coordinate system
The TI-89 [calculator] is so powerful, it can think for you.
For some people, the calculator does nothing but bite them. For others, the calculator dances.
It diverges and has fun somewhere at infinity.
speaking about power series
When they jump, they bite, and you yell out, “Arctan!”
speaking about the AP Calculus exam
Mr. Durant: I can make a bet that part of the answer will be arctan.
Class: …No…
Mr. Durant: NO?!? They got me! I lost the bet.
Class: …No…
Mr. Durant: NO?!? They got me! I lost the bet.
discussing one of our homework problems
Mr Durant: What kind of fraction is this? [It begins with] I - M - P…
(random stuff yelled out by students)
Gene: Impossible!
Mr. Durant: Yeah, for some people…
(random stuff yelled out by students)
Gene: Impossible!
Mr. Durant: Yeah, for some people…
They carried it out in 3 seconds because they know their calculus.
talking about “Are You Being Served?” (which came up from a homework problem about fitting pipes around a corner)