This isn’t the Democratic party of our fathers and grandfathers. This is the party of Woodstock hippies. I was at Woodstock — I built the stage. And when everything fell apart, and people were fighting for peanut-butter sandwiches, it was the National Guard who came in and saved the same people who were protesting them. So when Hillary Clinton a few years ago wanted to build a Woodstock memorial, I said it should be a statue of a National Guardsman feeding a crying hippie.
Speech: Scott Brown rally (2010)
You can lead a horse to water, but it takes a hell of a man to drown the damned thing.
Comic:
Your computer has too much computer in it and not enough typewriter.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
I feel like someone opened up my skull and gave skittles to my brain!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
A good showerhead and my right hand,
the two best lovers that I ever had.
Now if you find you agree with what I just said,
you’d better find a new love and let ‘em into your head.
the two best lovers that I ever had.
Now if you find you agree with what I just said,
you’d better find a new love and let ‘em into your head.
Song: Into the Woods
It’s 2005! We should be flying around in jetpacks and snorting non-addictive vitamin-rich cocaine out of our sex robot’s nipples.
TV: Comedy Central’s Last Laugh 2005
The sun is just a nuclear weapon that hasn’t finished killing us yet.
Comic: http://www.dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=1263
I don’t think tension headaches are contagious, but I guess it depends on how much I scream at people.
Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
German, it’s basically like English. English, you know, spoken by a monster, underwater, into a walkie-talkie.
Comic: Penny-Arcade
What do you get when you convolute with yourself?
talking about convoluting a function with itself